After two days of randomly, and not consistently, complaining about his throat hurting, I decided to take a look in my son’s throat. Sure enough…red spots everywhere. Because of my own childhood, I am intimately acquainted with strep throat, so off to Urgent Care we went at 5pm. An hour later, a confirmed diagnosis of strep and prescription in our hand, we headed to the drug store. I slipped the prescription in the little metal clip located inside the metal box that, at the push of a button, flies up and over our heads to the nice lady taking care of us. As I was digging in my purse I ran across this little piece of paper I had scribbled a note on.
I have no idea if it was something I heard in a sermon or something I had thought of and jotted down but it seemed so appropriate at that time. When I just needed to be vulnerable and completely honest with God about the struggles of motherhood. It read “If I can’t learn to pour out my complaints to God, the most honest and vulnerable I can be, how can I honestly and vulnerably pour out my praise to Him.” I’m not saying we should go whining to God about every little itty bitty thing but I also think that He appreciates when we come before Him not trying to hide our feelings or put up walls. You know He can handle it, right? He’s the creator of the universe… He’s more than capable of dealing with your complaints. In fact, I think that’s part of what brings intimacy with Him. There have been so many times that I’ve just come to God, typically laying out crying on my closet floor with the door closed saying “I can’t do this anymore…I have no one but you that I can talk to about this and I need to pour my guts out to you.”. It’s not pretty, it’s not eloquent, it’s not “churchy”, it’s me in my most vulnerable, honest about myself state that no one…NO ONE, has ever seen. And I think it’s because of those moments that I can have the other moments, the moments of praising Him in church and no one knowing how deep that praise really goes. There’s a great song called “Alabaster Box” and our worship pastor, Jasmine Christmas Brady, absolutely kills it! Anyway, in the song it’s talking about just that…you don’t know what it cost, you don’t know what my praise cost, the oil in my alabaster box. That’s true too…we don’t know what price the other has paid. We don’t know what it looks like when they are alone, pouring out their entire being to God, perhaps not even sure HE exists. So, I guess I just wanted to remind you that God can handle your complaints, He’s not afraid of your emotions and feelings, He’s big enough and yet gentle and small enough to be one on one with us in our moments of deepest vulnerability. I encourage you, don’t bottle it up. Go to your closet, get on the floor and talk to him like He’s your best friend and the only one who can truly understand you…because guess what friends? He is!